I also wonder how I'll decide to explain it...
The NI castle is kind of like a cross between a proper medieval knight's castle... and a kid's tree fort... that looks a little bit like we stole a bunch of old hollywood movie sets and nailed them all together... and then stuck one of those water slides from an indoor waterpark on the outside of it and turned the moat into a lazy river raft ride...
mosin is usually mostly naked except for all of his combat boots, bandolier belts, various gun filled holsters, knife and machete sheaths and an ak47...some people say he looks kind of like a raccoon... kinda like rocket... only cuter and a lot taller...
and I look like wolverine's drunk ugly uncle from his mother's side.. or something... and I'm always dressed like I'm going to my own funeral later...
Mosin and I needed an office assistant to post pictures and videos... and I always wanted to yell
PARKER!, like j. jonah jameson in spiderman, at someone... so... we hired some dopey kid and made him go by the name PARKER.
nobody knows his real name and all of the original records were mysteriously destroyed... I use scotch in my secret recipe for not caring very much about it...
PARKER Edit: the secret recipe is a glass full of scotch with one ice cube in it!
PARKER is a wiz at finding things on the internet...not the world's greatest secret keeper though...you'll want to keep that in mind...
let's see.. he can't handle his liquor worth a damn...the thuggee mine guards hate him as much as they love you...and one time he was taken prisoner by the Mossad and beaten unmercifully for quite a while.... for reasons unknown but presumed stupid.
Rooks somehow won partial custody of PARKER in a drawn out kramer vs kramer style court room custody battle and he has the rights to him every other weekend...
let's see....
PARKER sleeps in a wooden crate that used to house six child slave laborers that sewed clothes for Kathie Lee Gifford...