Today is the eighteenth birthday I have had since my dad died. I am still heartbroken.
I'm there with you. This past weekend was 2 years since my mom died, 2 weeks before that was 3yrs since my little sister. My grandfather, who I was close with, died a month before my sister and one of my friends a month after my mom did. It was a really rough span and it's hard not sink back into it sometimes, especially when I'm feeling tired or run down from something else. I've found over time that, for me anyway, grief is this sortof lurking beast that follows me around and exploits any weakness to just make things worse. If I'm feeling tired, run down, burned out, anxious, it crawls inside and compounds it, even for people in my life who are long passed (decades). I've had to make a lot of lifestyle changes to adjust, otherwise it just feels crippling at times.
Big celebrations, holidays, birthdays, etc are all really weird for me now too. It's like you have these moments where you forget and for a brief flash, you turn to say something to them, only to be brought back to reality and remember they aren't there anymore. While the raw grief begins to subside over time and coping, I know from my long passed grandparents that these moments still linger and remain even as decades pass. I also get these sortof echoes, even for my long past grandparents, where I just kindof get hit with the raw emotion all over again from something minor or otherwise insignificant.
So I'm sorry for you and the feeling of loss, I am at least able to commiserate and relate to some degree with these feelings and experiences, even though it's different for everyone. Anyone who tells you to move on or get over it either hasn't experienced it or is shielding their own grief by trying to act tougher than they are.
I am a redheaded woman… my entire life. Apparently I was lucky that my school growing up didn’t have “kick a ginger day”.
Lifelong ginger here. Felt like every day was kick a ginger day. I got to the point I'd lose my ***if someone called me carrot top or asked "the question" (you know the one) one more fking time.
Oh and if you don't, you should see a dermatologist every year. I joke with mine that she sees a new lake house walking in every time I show up, but I've been warned by all of them that I have an increased chance of skin cancer.