I'm proud of my friends for two hang-outs in a row without them trying to convince me to play. Especially since both times happened to fall on a day where a bunch of news dropped.
It's to the point now where I stay up at night thinking up comebacks to arguments in my own mind. I'm so bad at overthinking responses that I usually just freeze in the middle of any kind of argument. I can barely hold my own in a normal conversation. Going back to the previous discussion on "everyday things that freak me out", I'm sure that's why I get anxiety on the phone.
And then I do come up with a good retort and my brain secretly wants them to say something so I can shove it in their face. The other night I stayed awake until like 2am eyes wide-open because I thought of a good comeback to "FFXI sucks because you lose exp when you die". That's probably also why I get triggered every time I see anything about XIV. I've started associating the whole game with entering a mental defensive stance and making subconscious lists of all the things I don't like about it as ammunition.
(A bit of a brain dump, but I guess that's technically a "random thought")
EDIT: I should point out that I have nothing against you guys bringing it up here. Don't want anybody to feel bad. If I did have a problem, I know I could leave.